GeoMcguts OTTA interview

Can you talk more about how your inspiration is rooted in your queerness and how you're able to take up space as you've transitioned. 

As a trans-masculine non-binary person who has undergone medical treatment into physically transitioning, I am visibly queer wherever I go, and there's not anything I can do to control others' interpretation or reaction to that. There are few more vulnerable public arenas for trans* people right now than athletics, as multiple states across the country are drafting bills in an effort to keep us out of sports. We are often bullied out of spaces that reinforce the gender binary, and I try to find my own small ways to push back against that. The first step is always just showing up, which is what my goal was for the OTT.

How is bikepacking similar? Finding your way when the path is unclear…

Bikepacking, in particular, hits a high note of euphoria for me--it's advertised as being competitive, but in a way that feels very different from other racing sports. The focus is on endurance and survival, which is something I have been doing my entire life already as a queer person. I am in my element. There is a narrative that emerges from the participants, and now we're not focusing solely on numeric data such as completion times or speed and watts, but on what that individual has experienced inside themself that carried them through to the end of the route and the psychic connection that the rider feels to their body and surroundings.

How has your art played into that exploration?

The artwork I make is deeply personal, and pulls out feelings that I do not have the words to describe. One of the core themes that emerges from my figurative work is the oscillation between gender dysphoria and euphoria. I use drawing as a tool to identify these feelings as physical sensations originating in the body to keep myself grounded in the present, to bring my attention back to my senses, and maintain a meditative focus on the expression of my nervous system without the need for judgment or action... which for me, is a similar function to physical activity and bikepacking.

Solo or group riding? Is it important to have a good group, or do you like figuring it out on your own?

I definitely trend towards solo riding! I tend to react impulsively and intensely on the trail, which is hard to navigate when you are in a group. I also relish in moments of quiet contemplation and sometimes manic terror that only occur when one feels truly alone and isolated.

Do you have a good crew of like-minded riding friends?

I work at a non-profit bike shop, the Community Cycling Center, and most of the people I ride with are my coworkers. Lucky for me, many of them are also queer, which has lead to some really beautiful times taking up space together.

Do you feel an obligation to share what you see, or is it more fuel for your own art?

Finding beauty in the flowers I come across feels impish and naive, qualities that I feel are undervalued and rare in a world that requires the loss of innocence in adulthood and punishes vulnerability. I feel obligated to share what I find, a wordless way to communicate that it's okay to still harbor that softness and childlike curiosity. I hope that others feel inspired to attempt the ridiculous things that feel impossible and pointless, but at the same time, allow us to articulate the full breadth of our expression.

Can you talk about what it means to be queer in the outdoor industry? Do you feel supported?

Sometimes yes, sometimes no. The most genuine support comes from other queer people who know what it's like without us having to even acknowledge or explicitly talk about things, we are just there for each other. As a trans-masculine person, WTF (Women/Trans/Femme) and adjacent groups skew heavily towards the inclusion of people who do not identify with masculinity, so often times I find myself having to choose between feeling as though I'm invading a space that wasn't made for me, or being forced to swallow my queerness and get treated like "one of the boys" in cismale spaces. I ironically face many of the same issues in cycling that women face, but I'm not exactly "Women's Space" material any longer, which has made it difficult to find community. Purchasing gear is a whole other realm of dysphoric hell for me because I typically need to buy "Women's" branded goods due to my anatomy, but I am absolutely not a woman.

Did you feel welcome on the OTT?

I did feel welcome! One of the only reasons I ended up being able to participate in the grand depart at all was because of the reserved spots for queer/trans/women and BIPOC. When registration opened, I talked myself out of signing up. Of course, I couldn't stop thinking about how much I wanted to do it. By the time I overcame my self-doubt weeks later, registration was full for cishet white men, because 1/3 of the spots had been reserved for marginalized racers, I was still able to get in! I wholeheartedly support this concept for many different reasons, and I think all other organizations should adopt a similar policy as the bare minimum for rider inclusion. I was also awarded a scholarship from the OTTA, which helped cover some of my expenses, like a couple of upgrades for my bike and reimbursing the time that I would have to take off of work, for which I am extremely grateful.

However, when I arrived at the trailhead, my social anxiety had other plans for me. I suffered one of the most intense panic attacks that I have had in years. I was hit hard by the sudden realization that I was being pulled out of my queer and ally support network. 20 minutes before the Grand Depart, I was crying and shaking in my partner's car, trying to find the strength to unload my bike from the trunk. Questions raced through my head: Am I going to get misgendered and talked down to? Are people going to be confused when I have to squat to pee? Am I going to get hate-crimed in one of the rural corner stores on resupply? Luckily, my fears were totally unfounded, and some of my best days on the trail were the ones that I spent with other riders who were all incredibly supportive and only reinforced my love for the sport.

One of my favorite nights on the trail was one I spent with a group of other riders. We drew tarot cards, and for those of you out of the loop, astrology and tarot are pretty common in the queer community--so it was really sweet to see the rider who brought them to talk everyone through the process, and help guide everyone along in their readings, and to witness such sincere participation from those who were not familiar with readings or the symbology of the cards. The card I drew was the Three of Swords, infamously the card of intense heartbreak, betrayal, and emotional turmoil... a pretty pointed reading for what I was going through! I've since gotten that image as a tattoo to commemorate my time on the OTT.

After having ridden part of the OTT, what we could improve? 

More communication during the race in case of emergency. I am an extreme example because the OTT is the first bikepacking race I've participated in, but hearing about the Bootleg fire was pretty terrifying and not being sure if we were riding into it or not when service was really spotty, and there wasn't a lot of information available about it from organizers. There was some, but I heard not all riders were getting communications, so having a more official channel or more organized strategy for subsequent years would be a charming move to make. As a new rider who was not experienced with navigating these risks, it worked out in the end, but it definitely could have gone much worse. Anything you can do to lower barriers to entry is going to make the jump into the sport easier for marginalized folks who don't have as much access to resources. I wonder if there's some way to provide targeted support to marginalized riders, either through mentorship, or by providing them with extra access to communications, assistance with preparation, route beta, etc.

Future plans? What gets you excited these days

My new bike! While I love my fully rigid Surly Troll, it was extremely punishing to ride as a relatively new mountain biker, I've been obsessing over getting a full suspension bike that I can move more quickly and aggressively on for a future OTT attempt. Recently, I acquired a 2011 Ellsworth Moment frame through the bike shop I work at, and I just finished building it out! It's been challenging to learn about suspension and hydraulic systems, but well worth the satisfaction. I also registered to do the Big Lonely event in October with one of my coworkers!

What inspires you in life?

Honestly, spite. I have had negativity weigh on me heavily throughout my life, and I have done a lot of self-work to confront the criticisms and phobias of others that I had internalized in the past. I'm tired of others projecting their insecurities onto people like us, and making us feel like we are not worthy enough. I want to become a beacon, to shine so brightly that all the queers, the weirdos, the losers, the people who are at risk of being drowned in the darkness, can see that we are powerful enough to forge our own pathways and define what success and happiness mean for ourselves, and that we're not at the mercy of anyone else to standardize or judge who we are for us.

Thank you for taking the time to share your thoughts and artwork with us Geo!